Tag Archives: winner
Five years ago I bought a pair of sneakers with corduroy uppers. They got inducted into my old-shoe life cycle after I wore the treads down to just flat, slick rubber about 4.13 years ago. They waded through streams, saw their share of unpaved, rain-soaked roads and trails until about 3.64 years ago when I half-assedly converted them into slip-ons. There were other shoes along the way, getting the same treatment, e.g., my orange canvas low-tops that went from new to crap to muddy crap to slip-on muddy crap to a landfill in 0.79 years, but these corduroy sneakers-now-slip-ons just wouldn’t tear apart.
So I kept slipping on my corduroy slip-ons when humid days were a-brewin’ and the thought of sudden thunderstorms littered my imagination with the fear of mud-soaking another pair of shoes until about 6.71 days ago when my mom saw me in these bastard slip-ons. The usual get-new-shoes speech became the are-you-happy speech and before I knew it I was sleeping on my friend’s couch and my lady friend wasn’t ever going to speak to me again. (Apologies for the hand-waving vagueness but it’s only been 6.71 days and I’m not sure I ever want to think about exactly what happened.)
My corduroy sneakers-turned-slip-ons have made it to the landfill, I’m somewhat happy to say. And now I find myself in need of some new kicks, not so much to replace my shitty shoes or to look good for the ladies or to make my momma proud but to cover up the profound loneliness that every act and interaction is intended to chip away at with at least the illusion of being put together. And you need shoes for that. Nice ones. Plus no one wants to look like a fuck-up.
…Joseph! Who wins the Orient watch after letting us know that:
My favorite time of day is at 2pm. I’m home alone, the house is quiet and I can take a quick afternoon nap before the kids get home from school.
I totally agree with the satisfaction of a good nap. Thanks for participating everyone and keep looking for our next contest!
…Nickolay! Who wins a bottle of Hey Dude! Aftershave for sharing the gory details:
I cut a chunk out of my lip while shaving one time. I decided it would be a good idea to shave after a couple cocktails
Ouch. Thank you all for participating, and be sure the check out the contest we’re starting tomorrow!!
…singermagic1! Who is lucky enough to get the Just Men’s Rings prize for giving us this mind-bruising vision:
the ugliest would have to be a big fake tigers eye ( looked plastic and was the size of a marble) it was in the center of a cluster of really bad cubics. Very tacky
I wouldn’t make Hitler or even Perez Hilton wear that shit at his funeral. Thanks for participating and keep checking in because the next contest starts VERY soon!
…Joel! Who for the Phyto-C giveaway ran us through his morning routine:
Apply acne lotion if necessary
Apply Eye Cream
His morning-foo is a force to be reckoned with, gents. Thanks for participating and expect another great contest coming up very, very soon…