Lesson #104: Sunglasses for the coming Spring

Believe it or not, I felt the Sun beaming down on me more than a few times this last week of February. And where there is sun, soon there is bound to be shades. But what should you know about sunglasses before you wear a pair to announce the coming of Springtime?

Oakley Fuel Cell

INFEASIBLE: Sunglasses featuring bright colors

Wow, that purple is something else. In that something else, any other color really, makes more sense to feature on a pair of sunglasses – unless you’re filming one of those futureshock movies and the villain need wear something ridiculous like this pair as he/she sends waves of mutants to fight the protagonist. Even the frames of this Oakley are a bit sidesplitting in that they are bulky, unwieldy, and look like shards of ice. Finally, the mere fact that it’s been branded “FUEL CELL” is just a tasteless ploy to misdirect some attention from Green activism. Ugh.

But speaking of green…

Mosley Tribes Aviator Sunglasses

Feasible: Sunglasses with color, just not NEON BRIGHT colors

These shades pull off a seldom used color in sunglasses: green. It works because we’re not talking about neon green here, but rather something more akin to obsidian green, which far from screams “attention-whore” (see those Oakleys). There’s nothing wrong with a little color in your avi’s, just keep the tone cool and low-key.

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Lesson #99: Cardigans are fun!

Often we treat our cardigans like we treat our children: sometimes we cherish them, other times we get fed up and throw ’em in a pile at the back of a closet. I’ve always been a fan (of cardigans, that is), so it’s fortunate that they’re back in style. Let’s see what separates the quality cardigan from the undesirable one.
Moschino Contrast Embroidered Crest Wool Logo Cardigan
INFEASIBLE: Uniform-looking Cardigans
I bet most of you are happy to have survived high school [and you youngsters still stuck in the system, carry forth sons]. So why would you ever want to wear something that reminded you of cafeteria drama, patronizing teachers, and boring algebra textbooks? Granted, you probably didn’t wear an uniform as loud as anything like this, but one look at this snotty private school throwback, and people will tell you to get back on the train to Charlotte Catholic.

D&G Pieced Cardigan

Feasible: Neutral colored, lightweight cardigans

Now this is something people will appreciate: nothing loud, nothing gaudy, nothing to spur images of stuffy Bostonian prep boys. Just a comfy, smooth piece. True, this piece is a little too expensive ($365 as of 1/3/10), but the price will go down as the quality remains excellent.

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73. Key chains for men

INFEASIBLE: Vintage toy key chains

Mr. Potato Head Keychain – Soft Version – Full Case
(From Ultimate Key Chains)

So I was in the Beverly Center a few days ago helping a friend shop when I saw a hipster come out of Banana Republic twirling the above key chain. I stopped and had to take a moment just to breathe. Ever curious about extremes of retardation in people’s choice of expression, I decided to investigate where one could procure a Mr. Potatohead key chain if one were, say, nostalgic and tripping on 2C-I.

Well, I found a distributor of this tacky-ass piece of trash, and I almost died of shock when I saw the price. I shit you not, my man, that shit goes for $101.95. And that’s a discounted price apparently. I’m sorry folks, I can’t say anything more either then I hope I’ve raised you all better than this. God help everyone else.

edit: Yeh, totally got the price wrong – more like $2 a pop. WHATEVER, just don’t buy this kind of junk, k?

: Swish Army key chains

Victorinox Swiss Army Swish Memory 1 GB
(Brought to you by Saks Fifth Ave.)

Ok. This is tasteful, can store 1 gig of data, AND gives you means to file your nails. NO CONTEST PEOPLE.

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62. Wallets for the man…again.

INFEASIBLE: Wallets that slide and collapse and whatever the fuck

(From Men.Style)

I guess one could call this latest Frankenstein from Entermodal a “portwallio”. I’ll stick to calling it ugly, blucky, difficult to handle, and tacky; naturally Men.Style raves about it. Don’t you let me catch you holding one, unless you’re returning it to its rightful place in the trash.

Feasible: Bifold made of kangaroo leather

(Brought to you by Saks.com)

Now this, THIS is a piece of awesome. I loves kangaroo leather and the color is just rich and attention-grabbing without being flashy in the slightest. Even the logo is tastefully placed and blended into the material. Anyone wanna get me an early birthday present? Seriously, I blew too much money at the bar last night. :(

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60. Jeans and designs on pants

INFEASIBLE: Pants with filigree all over the back pockets

(From Saks Fifth Avenue)

Putting shit on the back of clothes, versus the front, usually isn’t the best idea. With pants, any good designer learned a young age that one can pull off a little designing on the posterior but obviously nothing excessive. This guy/gal/squee didn’t get go to class that day: having double eagles-like patches gliding up someone’s buttcheeks does not the hot make.

Feasible: Subtle decals

(Brought to you by Saks Fifth Avenue)

This paif of CoH uses some ass decor, not to draw attention to the rump, but to include a subtlety that one appreciates in close proximity, not from across the room. Anyone wanna buy me a pair?

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32. More button up observations

INFEASIBLE: Expensive yet boring dress shirts

(From Saks)
If you want generic dress shirts (i.e. boring ones), why not just go with something low-budget like Van Heusen? Sure, this Armani is somewhat better made, but throwing $225 for something as drab as a white shirt with gray stripes?

Feasible: Expensive shirts that show at least a modicum of creativity

(Brought to you by Saks)

At least with this D&G (similarly priced), you have some cool buttons and a somewhat more creative stripe scheme.
The lesson to be learned here is that if you’re going to go expensive, make sure you’re buying something that looks haute couture for crying out loud. Generic-looking + a fancy Italian brand name != stylish.

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