Lesson #113: Summer shorts

Shorts are a staple piece in a summertime wardrobe – and that’s a good thing for those of us with sweaty legs. Though thoroughly casual, shorts still have the potential to make or break your ensemble for park or beach excursions.

Nike Crested Plaid Men’s Shorts
INFEASIBLE: Plaid shorts 
Regardless of the colors involved, plaid is a difficult to work with on upper garments – let alone pants. I can’t think of what one would wear to match any checkered design below the waist, besides something so boring as a white polo shirt. Frankly, this particular pair makes me think of the henchmen uniforms from some bad space opera, so no dice.

Vineyard Vines Men`s Seersucker Club Shorts
Feasible: Seersucker shorts
Like I said earlier in “Seersucker and You”, seersucker is a great cloth to don during the summertime. Better yet, I bet you can instantly imagine how the example above would match a whole spectrum of flowery or seasonally colored shirts. They’re also comfy as what.
Continue Reading

Lesson #75: Definitive advice on plaid

PLAID! Whoever though it would be trendy.

I think plaid is ugly, period. However, some people I hold in high regard maintain that plaid can be fashionable – this is for you crazy diamonds.

INFEASIBLE: Plaid with bold colors

Sun crest plaid shirt
(From Penguin)

That being said, there are some pieces of plaid I will never, ever approve of, mainly plaid that tries not to be plain and rustic. If you wore something like the above shirt, you’d look like a psychedelic farmer and might as well rock an Ed Hardy trucker hat and complete the ensemble of shit. I know Men’s Style loves this vibrant checkered junk, but how many times have I told you they should be lobotomized? For the record my good men: Neon plaid is not ha-ha ironic, it’s “Believe it or not, I don’t know any better” ironic.

Feasible: Cool, rural colored plaid

Ages Funnel Neck Overshirt American Madras
(Brought to you by Context)

Brown, rusty red…these are the shades I and you associate (and should continued to do so) with livestock, Texas, and ho-downs. As an added bonus, the quality mending of this Shades of Greige shirt isn’t something you’d find at a Walmart 100 miles outside of Dallas.

I guess there’s SOME appeal to dressing a little country from time to time; Heath Ledger did, Johnny Cash did – and they did okay!…sometimes.

Continue Reading

67. Style and Sandals

INFEASIBLE: Sandals featuring plaid

Sanuk Suit Up (Brown)
(From Zappos)

Oh, summertime. How you bring the best sunsets, yet evoke the worse footwear imaginable. Not that I hate the idea behind sandals (although they end up pools sweat from the soles of my feet from time to time), just what terrible additions manufactures make to an otherwise perfectly fine design. Take this piece for instance: who the fuck thought plaid should go on a sandal? Plaid is one of those bastard fabrics: it works on hats and SOMETIMES (but very rarely) a suit. I ask you, Sanuk, what do you expect people to match this pair with? A 1950’s cabbie hat? DURING THE SOLSTICE?! Jesus.

Feasible: Sandals rocking leather

Reef Bonzer (Whisper)
(Brought to you by Zappos)

Now leather and sandals go hand-in-hand. This pair would do you just fine.

As a side note, there is no such thing as a casual/dress distinction in the world of sandals. Sure, one piece may be fancier than another, but the notion of a professional-setting sandal is just painfully misguided.

Continue Reading