Sweaters should be no sweat. But in a world where virtually anyone has access to unskilled garment labor, some crazy shit still gets made (THANKS INTERNET)…
Ugly Sweater Santa’s Sled
INFEASIBLE: UGLY SWEATERS THAT GO FOR $35
I’ve never been to an ugly sweater party and I don’t associate with anyone who has. I imagine they’re fucking boring as hell because, hey, the premise is to wear something stupid and tasteless while you drink. Okay, maybe you’re roped into attending by your boy/girlfriend – you, so to speak, need take one for the team. But that doesn’t mean you should ever spend $35 on some horrid piece of crap that you’ll wear once. Seriously, how is this store operational? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD ON ME DURING MY TOILS?! Men, don’t ever go to a specialty store for an ugly sweater – don’t EVER spend $35 especially – let your closest senile family member gift you one or just suck it up and wear something from a Goodwill if you get dragged to one of these lame parties.
Ottoman Detail Sweater
Feasible: Form-fitting, everyday sweaters
Like I’ve said before, sweaters are not on this cursed Earth to further a fashion philosophy or agenda: they here to keep you warm when you’re going from one place to another. They’re very different animals from coats, which you might wear to a dinner party and therefore be judged on. Again, you wear a goddamn sweater when the sun goes down, the field freezes over, and Old Man Winter’s decided to challenge you. This A|X is perfect for the transit hop or trek during the cold months, and would never be considered an ugly piece by anyone’s standards.
INFEASIBLE: Armani Exchange t-shirts
AX Fashion Superpower T-Shirt
(From Armani Exchange)
There’s this weird trend in fashion, starting from the late nineties till the present, that I like to call BATTLE OF THE BRANDING. For some reason, a bunch of brands decided, “Hey guys, fuck original designs for our t-shirts, let’s throw our name on there with some FuNkY lettering! Yay!” The people at AX have always been particularly keen on the idea, and also happen to be the flat out worst at integrating their logo into the design of t-shirts.
Feasible: Original Penguin t-shirts
Original Penguin Retro Logo
(Brought to you by Original Penguin)
Let me preface this Feasible option with a disclaimer: I don’t like logo integration at all really. OP just happens to be the best of the logo-crazy crap (like being the most handsome of the cavemen). You could walk by me in this and I wouldn’t scoff too loud.