Gray Equmen tanktop


For the love of fucking God I hope none of you even considered purchasing an Equmen compression shirt when news of them “flying off the shelf” reached the NY Times and the LA Times. No no NO. This is precisely the type of fashion-approach I despise, namely the JUST HIDE IT approach. Look, sometimes you can get away with hiding a small hole in a shirt for an evening (then you naturally ditch it the following morning), or masking a small scar on the bridge of your nose for your corporate photo shoot. That’s fine, these are little things that every so often you need to conceal for a special occasion.

But very noticeable things that ain’t going away (e.g. receded hairline, girth, etc.) don’t (SURPRISE) have effective quick-fixes. Suuuure, you can get a toupee and tape it down, but the minute you get personal or frisky with someone, the person’s gonna figure out you’re bald damn quick. SAME GOES FOR YOUR FLAT-TIRE SHAPED STOMACH. The reveal comes soon enough, and that lady or gentleman of the evening is going to be horrified when you, the ostensible hunk, disrobe into a mound of flab.

Crossfit programs ahoy

Feasible: Just work the fuck out
My buddy got massive through this program and managed to elude the usual meatheadery that comes with this type of fitness. Maybe CrossFit is too expensive, time-consuming, whatever for you – then just get a gym membership. Or go running and jump-roping several times a week. Or AT THE VERY LEAST watch your diet – you can get tone on eating well alone (like that rhyme? yeah you do). This way, when you’re looking to dress to impress, you don’t have to resort to stupid parlor tricks AND you won’t feel like a fool when it comes time to sex.

If you’re interested in reading more about what it’s like to be massive, then read this interview with my buddy. Also, the interview’s a part of one of my new projects, so scope out the site (InterviewwithaNobody.com) when you get a tick.

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