Another great contest, gents! This time we are giving away some fantastic stationary from Im-Pressed! Im-Pressed several lines of stationery and greeting cards that are geared specifically toward men.
There’s only one way to score the prize: Post a comment to this post telling us what you would write anonymously to your boss with this fine parchment? I actually really like my new boss so it would be something sweet. Awww…
Please note contest is limited to persons in the U.S. One winner will be selected at random.
The deadline’s Wednesday, February 1st, 2011 at 6 pm EDT.
Good luck, gents!
May I have a raise?
Do I have bad breath?
I would ask to borrow his car…. he has a very cool car!
On the Im-Pressed stationary paper, I would write to my boss:
To _____,
Since such a fine medium should not be wasted, I would like to use this parchment as a medium to express my feeling about you, “the boss.” I admire you’re leadership around the conference table and your ability to scare me into diving head on into the depths of mutual funds, the boring monochromatic world of finance at the economically shivering building of ____ & Sons Investment.
Unfortunately, I cannot sink my fine taste in fashion, as snobbish as I may sound, when it comes to “your fashion.” Please heed my words. One life, man, one fucking screwed up life in white washed cubicles and papers that tower over us, waiting for you and me to worship their content. Your boxy, ill fitted suits look cheap. It’s as if you went to a Vietnamese tailor on a trip to Saigon and asked for a cheap suit. Not that I have anything against Vietnamese tailors, but the suits you wear make you simply shallow and anonymous with any other middle managers out there. Please get a better tailor; I suggest getting a decent suit at Hugo Boss or one from Nordstrom. I should like to see you tower over the papers elegantly. Avoid the ultra-machoism because it’ll make you appear to be a jerk although you aren’t.
Speaking of jerk, maybe you are a jerk. I would have to contemplate that idea a little more carefully to be fair. Let’s see…Remember when I invited you to a baby shower for my new born and you were just inching your way closer to my wife, to my dear love’s plump behind. With all due respect, stay the fuck away from her from now on.
I have another request. My nostrils, and I’m sure my colleagues’ nostrils, are insulted by your heavy scent of Axe body spray. It smells like Ralph Lauren downgraded with cat shit. Leave the boys cologne behind. I’m sure you can afford Ralph Lauren’s gentlemen’s scent in its purity.
If you need a shopping assistant, I got your back. If you advance on my wife, I got your neck.
Your most trustworthy,
Anonymous
I would tell him that he always has food in his teeth and dandruff on the back and shoulders of his jacket. Then I would suggest he try dandruff shampoo and a toothbrush!